2 More Days Until Ultrasound

Hey everyone,

There are two more days to go until I have to go for the follicle check ultrasound on Friday morning. I don't expect that my follicles will be mature by then, because it will only be Day 10, and follicles are not usually mature until AT LEAST Day 12. So, I am thinking that the doctor will ask me to inject myself on Sunday (Day 12) and that me and Jim will have to go in on Monday, March 17th for the actual IUI. That being said, I could always be wrong. The opposite could happen. I could go in on Friday and my follicles are mature by some miracle, and the RE sets up an IUI for the following morning (Sat. March 15th). At this point, it's all up in the air. Everything hinges on the ultrasound results this Friday.

I finished taking the stims (drugs to induce ovulation) a couple of days ago. They have made me moody, irritable, tired, depressed, and nauseated. Soon after the IUI procedure, I will be put on progesterone, which mimics pregnancy symptoms in every way. I wouldn't mind if the symptoms were really caused by pregnancy, but there is no way to tell until the dreaded "2ww" or, "two week wait" is over.

I was very hopeful last cycle. I am not hopeful anymore. I don't understand how it is possible for 58 million sperm to miss two mature eggs. It doesn't make any sense to me. But, that being said, our RE did tell us that most couples go through an average of 3 - 4 IUI procedures before they are successful in getting pregnant. I hope that we get pregnant sooner than that. I don't want to find out what will happen to my psyche if we fail four times in a row. After four times, the doctor recommends IVF for infertile couples, and that costs $18,000. We don't have that kind of money, and it would be spent on a 50% chance of getting pregnant. The IUIs that we are doing now cost $1500 a piece, and they have a 15 - 17% chance of working each time. Normal, healthy fertile couples have a 20% chance of becoming pregnant during any given month. Without treatment, Jim and I have a LESS THAN 5% chance of becoming pregnant on our own.

I am having a lot of "bad days" emotionally these days. The hormones are making me crazy, and I am still mourning the children I have lost. I am stuck in the past, and scared for the future. It will crush me if we cannot conceive within the next three IUIs. I don't know what I will do.

~Kris~